Hair Optional

Cancer causes death. But the funny thing about death is that it is truly only a problem for the living. I don’t want to die, but if I do, it’s not really my problem. And, as my husband says, it’s such an awful possibility that it almost doesn’t make any sense for those who love me.

Chemo impacts fertility. I’m 33, married, and have always known that children would be part of our lives. I don’t crave children; I just assumed that I would spend my late 30s and beyond having family dinners and going to soccer games with children who reminded me of myself or my husband. Biological children were simply a natural part of my future. We had a vague timeline for them, always with the thought that we would be “older” parents, but nothing firm.

My husband has three parents: his dad, mom, and step-mom, who has been in his life since he was 9. She is such a vital part of his life that I tend to think that I have two mothers-in-law, instead of one and then a step-mother-in-law. With his father’s second marriage, Michael acquired new siblings. And in a horrible twist of fate, his brother died of an out-of-the-blue heart attack two weeks ago.

We made the trip last week to a lovely and remote part of Northern California for a funeral that should have taken place at least thirty years from now to celebrate Zach’s life and support those who we know and love most affected by his death: his wife, two boys, sister, and mother.